True Worth

I was preparing lesson plans for the week and I opened up Stephen's language arts book. (For any other homeschooling weirdos out there who might care... we use Emma Serl's classic 'Intermediate Language Lessons')

Anyway, I was jotting down notes when I stopped to read the poem that would be his memory work for several days. It punched me in the gut. It said:

True worth is in being, not seeming;
In doing each day that goes by
Some little good; not in the dreaming
Of great things to do by and by.
For whatever men say in their blindness,
And spite of the fancies of youth,
There's nothing so kingly as kindness,
And nothing more royal as truth.
--Alice Carey

It was the first line that got me. "True worth is in being, not seeming" And it hit me that I have wasted much time being more concerned about the 'seeming' than the 'being'. I know in my mind and heart that there is a omniscient and omnipresent God who is FULLY aware of the entirity of my deeds. He knows my motives, my hidden desires, and my dreams.

Why then do I squander my minutes with worry of how I seem? Why do I consider the appearances of my parenting (or my service, or my speech, or my decisions) to those who don't even count? Why do I ponder the judgements of others who have no rights to my judgement? There is only One who has that right and it often seems as if I am more quick to try to please the 'others' than the 'One'.

I pray for grace and more and more of it. Daily grace from my Creator. God, help me to love what you love; despise what you despise. Help me to hate my hypocrisy. Help me to exhibit love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control in abundance to my children, husband, family, and friends. Help me to be full of these things when no other eyes will ever know, but Yours. Help me to give these things when it is difficult to give them. Please help me to care more about my 'being' than my 'seeming'.